Why did I switch blog sites? After all, I had that lovely layout at Blogger, and with over 2 years strong, it was strange that I’d switch now. So why?
I did not write a novel in a month. Oh sure, I could theoretically type 45,000 words between now and the end of the month, but then I’d have to skip all my classes, which I cannot do because then my GPA would drop from high to very, very low. Plus I’m sure everyone would miss me.
So because it wasn’t looking so good, I transferred my blog over to WordPress this weekend, along with doing some more stuff for ThirdDayFans.Net, uploading some pictures, sending a few e-mails, and doing some shopping. All in all, I utterly avoided the idea of thinking about the novel.
You see, I failed. I failed big time. The point of NaNoWriMo is to write a novel in a month. It’s not National Novel Writing Year. The purpose is to write it in a month. And unfortunately, I lost. Which stinks.
But in some little way, I didn’t fail (and no, this isn’t one of those lame “we are all winners” speeches. It’s one of those lame “I’m a winner” speeches). I got to busy, yes. I tried to undertake something during a month where my weekends were all full. I tried to write a novel with absolutely no plot. And yes, my novel is still stuck on 6,000ish words. And yes, I probably won’t finish it. But in that mess of words, there are a few characters I like, that I may try to resurrect. That makes me happy. But does not make me a winner. This does:
I failed. I went to the movies with the girls on my hall instead of typing away. I played numerous games of What Word instead of writing. And somehow, in the midst of all that, Hello Ohio sat there on my desktop, just…doing nothing. I didn’t purposefully give up, it just happened.
Now you are probably really, really confused at this point. Well don’t be. You see, I’m a perfectionist. And I didn’t fail because I was frustrated that I wouldn’t get it done so I ditched it. I just failed because I didn’t care if I failed. I failed because I was too busy living.
And Hello Ohio isn’t over. Even though I failed, this story’s life is not over. There’s still some characters to be saved, some ideas of plots that can be resurrected. Despite my losing NaNoWriMo, I don’t have to give up. For the perfectionist in me, that’s a win in itself.
So hello, WordPress. Hello to you. And hello to the part of me that is ok with failture. That can clap myself on the back and actually be ok with those lame speeches. And hello reader, whoever you are. I hope you stick around.
Mucaale kabotu,
-Sarah
mopspops said,
November 26, 2006 at 6:45 am
May I disagree? You didn’t fail, you just didn’t finish. “Hello Ohio” can still be completed.
aberro said,
November 26, 2006 at 7:53 am
being okay with failure can be a great step forward if it means you are freeing yourself from the anxiety – the fear of failiure. Well done !
Wendy said,
November 26, 2006 at 9:12 pm
I failed because I didn’t even start. Glad I got to live life with you this month!!! Love you!!
aberro said,
November 27, 2006 at 6:12 am
“Failed” sounds so final – I don’t think one can reach conclusions like that whilst still in the midst of life.
I had that word thrown at me so much as a kid that as adult I start seeing myself in those terms – it sucks. I want to get out from under that cloud….
Karla said,
November 27, 2006 at 8:16 am
From one perfectionist to another: Congratulations! You DID win!!
And your new place is lovely! Only thing: is that a sad face in that little orb hanging down up there in your banner?
Steven said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I was tempted to join in with NaNoWriMo, but the problem of time and the fact that I already have several original projects in the works, and my obsessive-compulsive editing kept me from it.
I wouldn’t call it failing just because the people at that site gave a time limit. If I were you, I’d feel freedom at not being pressured to finish by a certain date.
A smattering of thoughts… « inexorablyloved said,
October 3, 2007 at 11:15 pm
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