Marriage is not a thing you can want.
It is a covenant with a particular person.
Not any person. Not ‘someone I can settle down with’. Not ‘my dream man/woman/boy/girl/goat (delete as applicable)’. Marriage is a life-long, binding, covenantal promise to a particular individual. It’s not a question of ‘do I want to settle down, spend my life with someone and raise a family?’ Its: ‘do I want to spend the rest of my life tied to bob?’ It’s not a question that you can even ask in general terms, because it is utterly dependent on two things: you, and another real-live, imperfect, individual human being.
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Christian marriage is an agreement between two individuals to fully share their entire lives with each other. It’s a ‘I’ll show you all of me if you show me all of you’ thing. And not as a one-off either. Because of the nature of marriage it has to be based on the reality of the individuals concerned.
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Marriage isn’t a thing. It’s a covenant. It’s not a general covenant (‘I promise to give myself to another person for the rest of my life’), it’s a very, very specific covenant: ‘I promise to give myself to this particular person here, and to take this person as they are, in all their faults and failings, to journey alongside them and give myself up for them for every single day of the rest of my life.’
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If you find a friendship developing with someone that seems deeper and more significant than the norm, journey with them a while until you can ask yourself the questions above. But until then, stop looking. Lay down the dream. And if you don’t feel whole, then run to the only one who can make you that way: Jesus Christ.
Lord, forgive us for not seeing each other in the way you see us.
Give us a vision for marriage,
A vision for singleness
That reflects your glory
Amen.
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Those are just little bits and peices of a fabulous post I found here on WordPress. I needed that perspective, I think. I know I needed that perspective. Sometimes I think I know where I should be, emotionally and mentally and spiritually, but I have no idea how to articulate it or where to stop to get there. Andy Moore wrote it wonderfully. Please go check it out, especially if you’re single.
That last part really hit me personally. “But until then, stop looking. Lay down the dream. And if you don’t feel whole, then run to the only one who can make you that way: Jesus Christ.” It’s such a good practical example of Matthew 6:33. I think I woke up this morning with that in my eyes, after spending yesterday really praying that God would give me grace to “stop looking”. And I do have enough trouble for today (2 lesson plans, 3 chapters of reading/notes to write, studying for a test, initial research for a paper, work, and an essay!) without worrying about tomorrow.
Praise God for his faithfulness in showing me what I need to know, at the right time. And thanks Andy. I appreciate it.
-Sarah
