So it’s been no secret to any of you two readers that this semester I’ve really been trying to learn about how singleness and “romance” and all those things fit into my life as a Christian–as a girl who wants to pursue God. It’s been a rough road, let me tell you. Really rough. But I think as the semester winds down I’ve gotten a little bit clearer of a picture of this balance between singleness and the desire to someday get married. I know I have tons more to go, but practically I see myself living it out in a better, more healthy way. Even this week, I created a stronger resolve:
I resolved to not intentionally place myself anywhere, or to in essence manipulate situations like we do so well when we want something. Rather, I decided to simply live. I am complete within my singleness. I don’t need a man to make me complete. I am complete in Christ, and he is not only my sufficiency, he is MORE than sufficient for me. Even once I get married that won’t complete me. Only Christ can and does complete me. And it’s my job to live in that, to live in Christ and be found in Him. If a man comes along, that’s great. That’s a blessing. If something develops with any boy I know, that’s a blessing. But if it doesn’t, it in no way means that I am either lacking something or that God is anything less than wholly good. His heart for me is good. He has good things for me. And if it’s something to do with a boy, then I’ll embrace it as it comes. And if it’s not, then I have the all-consuming love of Christ to stand beside me and hopefully some good guy friends. He is all I need, not just in an abstract sense, but in a very practical and real way. I can live focused on what He has called me to, and not worry about any boy. It’s altogether a really freeing thing. And I’d almost rather not get any boy if it means I get a lifetime to have nothing to distract me from Christ.
It’s been cool, to see how I can interact with boys in a way now that I’m not trying to get things from them, even subconsciously. Even though I don’t think I was ever “that girl”, I know in my mind I interacted with this little nagging feeling in the back of my brain that I couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard I tried. And through the course of this semester, I’ve really been becoming free of that, of that ridiculous weight that I’ve carried for so long. I’ve felt like, though there are hard days and good days, I’m increasing in becoming ME, in finding out where God is calling me to and who He’s calling me to be.
Like I said in our last Marriage and Family class the other day: “I’m not going to sit on my hands and wait around for a guy to come along”. That’s dumb.
If you see Mr. Right, tell him I’ll be with him shortly. I have a life to live.
-Sarah
