Tonight I went and watched my brother play basketball. He plays for our local homeschool team, and they are…decent. There’s some good players, and others who aren’t so good. Anyway…he got in at the end of the game and scored on a free throw (I of course yelled like an idiot), so hooray for him. But his team ended up losing rather badly. I think the other team’s final score was double theirs (72-36 sounds right).
Anyway, but my brother’s team has only one senior–he’s by far their best player, and as such is the captain. Well, in the words of my brother, “He doesn’t act like a captain”. Rather than seeing a leader out there, I saw a jerk and a wimp. He would get angry when he didn’t score (apparently this was an off-night for shooting) but then wouldn’t pass it to anyone else. A few possessions he’d just stand around half court and when the guys would look towards him he’d open his hands a little bit. He didn’t move at all, didn’t put himself in the action. No wonder they didn’t pass it to him. He’s not participating and if you pass it to him you’d never get it back. When he got taken out at the end of the game, he slapped the assistant coach’s hand violently, then refused to accept the “good job” slaps of his teammates, and instead sat on the bench looking pissed off.
Perhaps I’m being to hard on him. After all, I’m not always known for a gentle and quiet spirit. And he is only in high school. But then again, my brother doesn’t act like that. And he’s younger than this guy.
Allow me to brag on my brother. My brother, despite being raised with all sisters, is no pansy-boy. No one would accuse him of being less than a man. He is also definitely a leader. But my brother has integrity and heart. He is compassionate (only when he has to be–he makes fun of me for feeling sad for seniors whose teams lose in March Madness) and kind. He He has a sense of justice that I’ve rarely seen in anyone else. It’s actually rather remarkable. We’re very hard on him, as his sisters. We far too often tell him what he could be doing better. But he in spite of that, is a great guy. One of his counselors this summer actually pulled me aside to tell me that he was a “great kid” and that he really liked my brother. He is a solid guy. As I was writing this I was reminded of Micah 6:8–”He has showed you, oh man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? But to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with the Lord your God”.
On to a different subject–my brothers in Christ. I got to a great school, really. And the guys at my school catch a lot of flack. We sit around as girls and far too often are really critical. We accuse them of being Mr. Pansies and wish they were better leaders. We tell some to be more aggressive and still others to be less aggressive. We bemoan the fact that there are “no good guys” (none that meet our standards anyway) and we eagerly hope for the next batch of transfers. We wish for a boy who never gets more angry than he should, but who is a strong and confident leader. We wish for a boy who loves to think deeply but is willing to watch chick flicks. We want a guy who never struggles with undue sexual temptation but will want to have tons of it when we get married. We want men who don’t exist and never will exist and we pretend that this is the kind of guy God must have for us.
But in the midst of our critical spirits we miss what is right in front of our noses. As I was watching that game today, that one captain with the bad attitude problem, a thought passed through my head. ‘My guy friends would never do that. Or let him get away with that.’ With utter clarity I realized that I had been taking for granted these men in my life. They are not perfect. They are not these ideal robots that we girls so often hold up. They are broken and flawed and in need of grace like all of us.
But they are quality men. They are men who know they are in need of grace. Because of Christ, they walk with confidence and something I like to call gumption. They hold each other to a higher standard–willing to call each other out and support each other. They “spur one another on to love and good deeds”. Now this doesn’t mean that we girls have to fall in love with them–obviously there’s more to be said than just being a quality man. But as their friends we can be (and should be) grateful that they are in our lives.
My brother is only 15. He is far from perfect. You don’t have to tell me he’s a sinner. And he has plenty of time to screw up. But he is a quality man.
A quality man isn’t perfect. He doesn’t always hit that right balance in the middle. Sometimes he acts more like that 18-year-old who is a little to arrogant about his abilities. Sometimes he acts like the 14-year-old who hides in his room all day. But he is a man who ultimately finds his quality at the foot of the cross.
Tonight made me a little sad for that captain of my brother’s team. It made me sad for these guys that never hear “attaboy” from us girls. And it convicted me of my critical spirit.
I think most of all it’s encouraged me to see what it means to be a quality woman. I know a lot of quality men and a lot of quality women. Can I count myself among them? Would those who know me consider me a quality woman?
I don’t want to be a jerk captain. I want to be a quality woman.
-Sarah
