I’ve really been thinking since I’ve been home about how God is teaching me to trust in Him, to rest in His promises and believe His truth about who I am. This whole year it’s been an undercurrent of what He’s been teaching me, but it’s really come to a sort of climax this break.
When I don’t believe God and trust in Him, when my hope is in something else, I sin. I sin big. When I refuse to recognize that His way is best, I get frustrated and angry. I become manipulative and honestly straight up crazy. I try to control the people and situations and I can’t let things go. Instead of loving people I can only think of what I can get out of them. I become stressed and have no idea how to rest.
But when my hope is in God, when I trust that He is a sovereign God who is big enough to handle not only all of my big problems but every area of my life, I have rest. I have peace. I can love others because I’m not trying to get something from them. I can love myself because I see myself through the lens of the gospel. I am less stressed out, and I can handle it when things don’t go my way. I can know that He is a good God who has good things for me.
I’m not there. I know it’s not a “there” but really a process, but I feel as if I’m just beginning this process. But I am farther than I was last year at this time. It’s progress, all by grace. These are things I am being taught by the Holy Spirit, not somehow working up. He is gently speaking to my heart and my mind.
When I trust in God, when my hope is only in Him, I can live, truly live. Not live with an agenda, but freely live. I want to freely live and to freely love and just learn to be a child of the King who trusts in Him for all of my needs. He certainly is trustworthy.
-Sarah
