worn down

April 24, 2008 at 12:10 am (hurt, personal)

I have this pair of Rainbows (flip-flops) that I’ve had for about 2 years. They’ve served me very well, and are definitely worth the 50 dollars I spent on them, but they’re wearing out now. 2 summers at camp will do it to you. And at one point on my right big toe, they’re about 3 weeks away from wearing completely through to where my toe hits the ground and I can’t wear them anymore. They’re close to being done.

My heart is in the same state. I am about a day away from checking out…from being done with everything. I’m not sure I can last any longer. I know that of course, that means it’s all still a long way off. I know that somehow I have to be all content and perfectly happy with my life before anything happens, but at this point I can’t be there. I have been there and nothing has happened. I’m done. My heart is simply too worn down.

I’m afraid that like my rainbows I’ll soon wear out…and I don’t think I can take it.

2 Comments

  1. jennypo said,

    April 24, 2008 at 1:12 am

    “O break my heart, but break it as the field
    Is by the plough up-broken for the corn;
    O, break it as the bud, by green leaf seal’d
    Is, to unloose the golden blossom, torn.
    Love would I offer unto Love’s Great Master,
    Set free the odor - break the alabaster.”

    (Thomas Toke Bunch)

    Loved, remember that your cry is not only the cry of the single heart. It’s the cry of every heart that feels the distance between it and Love. I’m single, too. Most days, I feel that Jesus is enough. The other days, I only know it.

    May He come swiftly to comfort you - but even more, may you in your hurt and bewilderment tell all those who wait and watch in spiritual realms that Love (not our experience of love) is the dearest and best that there is. May they see your will, bent to the dust before the Heavenly Lover, and cast themselves in worship at His lovely feet.

  2. Janna said,

    April 25, 2008 at 5:52 am

    Worn down, you say. I’ve been there many times, knowing that God has me in the perfect place to do His refining with me, yet not feeling content or that I could go on. As I heard Beth Moore say once, “Hang on until the blessing comes”. I know that you will.

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