I had this dream last night. I have fairly odd dreams, so it’s not unusual that it doesn’t make a lot of sense. It was this super-large building that was under attack and a large group of people were on the 3rd floor. We just happened to all be there–it wasn’t like we all knew each other, though I feel like friends were there. The odd thing was that the floor kept shifting one way and the other (like a giant Whale Watch). We had to shift around to try to stay still, otherwise it would tilt too much and we’d die.
I, of course, being myself, took charge and started to move around, and after awhile we were balanced. But we all knew that soon these enemies of ours were going to attack and it was not going to be good. Suddenly in my dream I was faced with a decision. I could do something (I think head toward our attackers and have them kill me) in hopes of saving everyone else. But it was imminent death. There was no hope of surviving.
My first thought was “Well, I might survive” and then I realized that I wouldn’t. I couldn’t survive. If I decided to do it, death was the only end. So would I? Would I choose to give up my life for these people, most of whom I didn’t know at all?
My dream ended there. And I woke up. And I still had no answers to these questions. I could pretend and say something noble about how of course, I would give my life for others, but I’m just not sure. I’m not a very courageous person, after all. I live a very un-bold life. And I like life, a lot! I knew I should say yes, but there was something in me that hesitated. “Was there no other way to save those people?” I asked.
Yet this is exactly how Christ felt. That feeling of “No other way?” must have been the same sort of feeling Christ knew when He said “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39). And yet…He did. He knew that there was absolutely no chance that He could survive this, and yet He willingly gave of Himself. Christ gave all He had. For me.
I see His willingness and my heart breaks. I see my unwillingness and my heart breaks more. It isn’t as if I expect to be in a building teeter tottering with enemies about to attack us and me having to throw myself toward them to save the others. This sort of sacrifice rarely comes, even to the most noble and courageous of heart. Instead the opportunity to sacrifice comes daily, in laying aside my will, my desires, my selfish inclinations and loving others with abandon. I cling to my wicked and selfish wants and I refuse to kill my pride to love others.
I want to be so motivated by Christ’s love, to be so enraptured by the gospel, that I would be willing to make that choice and go confidently toward death for the sake of others. But even more, I want to be so compelled by His extravagant grace that I am willing to confidently love sacrificially day after day after day.
May you see His love even more clearly today.
diestheswan said,
January 4, 2009 at 6:10 pm
interesting dream.
“I want to be so motivated by Christ’s love, to be so enraptured by the gospel, that I would be willing to make that choice and go confidently toward death for the sake of others.”
i wanted the same. every waking moment. for me it never came. i hope that you may achieve it.
I still crave that same need….it’s just that now…its a skeleton.
be well.
Mythos said,
January 5, 2009 at 7:26 am
That was a very moving post….I really enjoyed it. Just thought I would throw in my two cents.
Take care,
~ Mythos