serve when I really don’t feel like it…
write love letters…
get love letters…
be asked out on a date…
go on a date…
play footsie…
minister to others as a team…
sleep while he drives on a roadtrip…
have in-laws…
not always do what I want…
fight with someone I’m crazy about…
make up with someone I’m crazy about…
talk until 3am because we are more than just friends…
go on long walks…
cry when he cries…
hold hands…
bake cookies and cupcakes just because I can…
fold his laundry…
read the Bible together…
know that someone cherishes me…
get flowers on my birthday…
throw him birthday parties…
have a shirt that smells like boy…
watch a movie all snuggled together…
hear someone say “I love that about you”…
be able to say “that’s my man”…
have someone write me a song…
create new traditions…
make whoopee…
hear his heart…
share my heart…
cast sideways glances across a crowded room…
have someone make me laugh…
make him laugh…
be poor together…
watch him lift heavy things…
encourage him when his heart is heavy…
whisper sweet nothings…
take engagement pictures…
have inside jokes…
make him Christmas presents…
look awful and still hear “you look beautiful”…
read in bed together…
be known intimately…
be loved by a man that loves God…
love a man who loves God…
And yet in the midst of all this wanting is a God who knows my needs. He knows them because He made them. And though I am not guaranteed any of these things, not in the near future or ever, I am guaranteed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Though there is such a huge part of me that desires all of these things above, I know that ultimately they are little good things that point to the greatest of Good. If I do find someone, I hope he will love me and sacrifice for me–but it is only a mere shadow of Christ giving up all of Himself for me on the cross. And if I find someone, I hope I can love him and sacrifice for him–but it should only be a mere shadow of how my life is Christ’s and all I am is devoted to Him. This is great mystery (Ephesians 5:32).
And even though I don’t know what any of those things are like, I do know what it’s like to be known and loved by God–I may not have the shadow, but I do have the real thing. And I can trust and rest in that knowledge that if the good that I wrote above is not what God has in store, I will find that He has even greater good for me.
“He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”
- Romans 8:32
“How much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
-Matthew 7:11
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
-James 1:17
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
-Psalm 27:13
Rachel said,
March 20, 2009 at 9:57 pm
If we trust God and abide in His truth – we will satisfy every need – a great post of surrendering to His perfect plan and pace in which He manifests it.
Rachel
wiredtoinspire said,
April 19, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Thanks for sharing your heart about this–I can relate to a lot of what you said, and I think it’s wise to continue turning to Jesus. Wish you strength for the journey!
chrystiecole said,
May 31, 2009 at 9:19 am
I stumbled across your blog through another blog I am following. I could so relate to the words of this post. I was 34 when I met my husband and married at 35. For much of my thirties, I struggled with surrendering my desires to the Lord and allowing Him to fill the empty spaces. Some days I was frustrated with Him and I ached with the desire to share my life with someone and some days I was able to rest in His perfect will and sovereignty. Thanks for sharing your heart with the blog world. I am enjoying reading your posts.